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Iraq knocked out; ISIS to face Kurds in second round

The Iraqi World Cup finally has finally come to life with an explosive opening ceremony and exciting first round clash between the host nation and rivals ISIS. The tournament is taking place in a...

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ISIS opens first effigy superstore

The widely reported perception of ISIS as ‘more sophisticated than your average Jihadi movement’ received a further boost today with the so-called ‘Islamic Caliphate’ opening its first effigy...

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$1bn to fight Ebola, if Ebola agrees to be a bit more ‘Islamist-y’‏

President Obama has offered to send 3,000 American troops to Liberia to help fight the virus outbreak, on the proviso that Ebola adopts a more Jihadist approach. In turn the US industrial arms complex...

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RAF pounds pick up truck into the ground

In wave after wave of laser targeted weaponry the RAF have decisively destroyed a pickup truck yesterday. ‘We have strong suspicions that the truck wasn’t taxed,’ said an aerial reconnaissance expert,...

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Drumbeat of terrorism level raised to ’4:4 time’

Following the arrest of four suspected jihadists in London yesterday, Met Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe warned that the level of the ‘drumbeat of terrorism’ has been raised to 4:4 time ‘at...

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Twelve amused and four left laughing in satirical attack on IS headquarters

Twelve members of Islamic State have been left seriously amused after a ruthless gang of satirists forced their way into its headquarters and proceeded to ridicule up the place. Sarcasm, parody and...

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Socialist jihadis declare Islamic Welfare State

A left-wing IS splinter cell has today declared an Islamic socialist caliphate in a bid to halt the plight of jobless jihadis and bombers on the breadline. “Too many terrorists have been left on the...

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Iraq persuaded to purchase extended warranty

United States forces withdrawing from Baghdad have managed to persuade the new Iraqi government to pay for an expensive extended warranty agreement that provides limited labour and parts cover for the...

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Islamic State launches comparethejihad.com

Islamic state hopes to help jihadists “find a way of waging war against the infidel that’s right for you” by launching a jihad comparison website, it was confirmed today. “There’s a huge confusing...

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Threat of more film titles is a ‘clear and present danger’

The Prime Minister today signalled that official statements will have a cinematic wording to heighten fear, avoid nuance and ‘sell popcorn’.   Referring to drone-strike victim Reyaad Khan, a spokesman...

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Blue Peter competition winner to officially rename terrorist group

In the UK they’re ISIL, ISIS or just plain IS. In Germany they are called ISO, in France they are just plain old EI and our American cousins prefer the term, ‘muslims’.  The group, itself, likes the...

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Failed Jihadists offered Dignitas alternative

Jihadists who fail to complete their missions of martyrdom are to be offered an innovative new exit strategy designed by Dignitas, the world leader in assisted suicide. Several packages are available...

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RAF pounds pick up truck into the ground

In wave after wave of laser targeted weaponry the RAF have decisively destroyed a pickup truck yesterday. ‘We have strong suspicions that the truck wasn’t taxed,’ said an aerial reconnaissance expert,...

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